Friday, December 17, 2010
christmas time is slowly coming around once again, and the annoying parts - ie. parking at chadstone, secret santa budgets of $10 and under, ridiculously expensive flights back home, ordering gifts online & never having them arrive etc etc etc etc seem to be overriding my normal christmas cheer. in order to counteract this i've been indulging in more than my fair share of christmas treats and recommend the following to counteract christmas insanity:
1. shop with the "one for me, one for you" mentality. though more expensive, guaranteed to make christmas shopping slightly more enjoyable than carpet burn to your soul.
2. steer clear of chadstone (or any shopping centre for that matter) - regardless of how mad your driving skills are you will likely spend four hours attempting to find a car park before locating one at 2am and having your car backed into by a drunk bogan who has just left hoyts after seeing terminator 8 or equivalent.
3. when shopping use the words 'please' and 'thank you'. sales assistants will go that extra mile if you aren't an absolute douche bag.. it may not prevent insanity on your own behalf, but there will be thousands of happier people in the world if you use common courtesy at christmas time.
4. don't buy your dad/brother/boyfriend/significant other a sporting autobiography, the game, or scar tissue - you are facilitating a generation of my most hated people. and for that i will hate you.
5. a thoughful gift doesn't have to involve the use of clag or macaroni pieces (but is acceptable if you're under the age of 5).
6. smile at people instead of frowning - where's your goddam christmas cheer people?
7. appreciate that bogans spent months of their lives planning the christmas light spectacular which keeps you awake every night with its obscene fluorescence. our saviour was born in bethlehem - and christmas cheer was born in the burbs. give them a toot when you drive past.
i'm running low on christmas cheer again after that list, but am hoping that it will spring back to life by next week! imagine, in just a month they'll be selling easter eggs in the supermarket - and that's something to look forward to.
at 10:02 PM